perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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