her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's just like the Real World with babies
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
