I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
