Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
