The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
