i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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