I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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