Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
