great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
