if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
