2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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