WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
