i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
