That's intense
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
