why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
