So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
