Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
