I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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