I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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