Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
