got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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