White coat. Heels.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
