Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
