Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
