i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
