last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
