i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
