Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
