i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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