I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
