I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
