what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
