I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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