like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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