Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
