Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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