I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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