Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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