I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
