he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
