Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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