Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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