Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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