A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
