does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
