The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
