I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
