the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
