this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
