I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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