Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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