You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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