No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
