Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
