I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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