get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
