I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the liver wants what the liver wants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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