My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
