This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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