yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
