He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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