The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
FUCK WHALES
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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