So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
