Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
