i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
