??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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