i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
