So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
