Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
