My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
