Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The air taste purple.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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