She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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