Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
